Just under a year ago, I was gearing up for the project in Argentina, and I had an interview on CBC Radio Toronto’s morning show Metro Morning (click here to listen: ARGENTINA INTERVIEW FOR METRO MORNING _2601175), to publicize a fundraiser I was throwing for Waste for Life Buenos Aires. Toward the end of the interview, Matt Galloway asked me, ‘But why [go away and do this] when you could be so successful?’.
Out of the mouths of radio interviewers
His question revealed something that we both understood: that though our interview had focused on the ‘wow’ factor of the project I was about to do, there would be a significant cost to me. I was dropping out of the corporate scene. I would be losing opportunities – for promotions, lucrative contracts, networking, etc. It was a very honest question, and I was so glad he asked it because though I didn’t have an answer prepared, I knew exactly what to say. I was gaining something that was more important to me, I told him. My time living in South America in 2008 had changed my perspective on what was important; in short, it had shifted my definition of success. Every decision I made after that reflected that redefinition – including taking a year off to travel in 2010 and going to manage a social enterprise in South America for no salary. In taking a timeout from business as usual, I was gaining something infinitely more valuable to me. I have never felt more alive, I remember telling him. It was a strong ending to the interview if I do say so myself.
I could not have known at the time just how right on I was. While I see nothing wrong with keeping one’s foot on the pedal of earning potential at full throttle, or any of the other things that Matt was referencing when he said ‘successful’, I have chosen a path that works better for me. It matched my definition of success. I love the challenge of making up my path as I go along, and I derive great internal satisfaction from giving back. It’s soul food, as an engineer/consultant I met recently put it.
Success beyond success
In his amazing book Conscious Business, Fred Kofman talks about a principle called ‘success beyond success’. It says that though you might not always meet the goals you set out to achieve – or you might not hit them in the same budget, timeframe and manner that you expected – you can always count your experiences as successful if you are living in harmony with your values. Essentially, as long as you are being someone you admire, you cannot fail.
While this might sound like a justification or license to fail, it’s actually about redefining your terms to suit what is truly important to you – across every dimension of your life. Can you configure the decisions, activities and processes of your life to optimize the things that matter most to you? This is a very broad question because it will look different for each person. It will depend on what you care about most, what you enjoy doing and be boundaried by what is possible for you (logistically, financially, etc) – and it will change over time.
Evolving definitions
My definition of success in 2010 was about complete freedom and exploration, then later in the year (when I got bored of complete freedom and exploration!) it became about being of service. Today it is about making my clients ridiculously happy with the services I provide to them while providing myself with continuous growth and learning and a good quality of life. So far, so good.
For me, fall is a natural re-evaluation time, and an opportunity to revisit and update my definition of success. Have you thought about yours recently?
A Trade-off is a Trade-Up
So many of my friends are now having children and watching the amount of energy they can devote to work shift dramatically. They are also (necessarily) redefining their own expectations of what that work can give back to them. They now no longer look to their jobs to wholly define their success, or for that matter, their happiness, now that there is a much bigger project going on in their personal lives. With any big change it is possible to agonize over what we are giving up – focusing on the trade-offs and whether they are worth it – but it’s also possible to look at each change as a trade-up.
While I know some women – and some men too – struggle to come to terms with the professional sacrifices that are necessary to be a parent, adding children to one’s life adds more riches as it takes away, in the long run. That is, if having kids is part of your personal definition of success, then having them is a trade-up. I would hope that those for whom this is not true would choose not to have children. You have to be willing to embrace change – and keep your personal success definitions scrupulously-up to-date! – in order to get onboard with the concept of ‘success beyond success’.
Incidentally, I am on my way to TEDx Toronto right now, where the theme of the conference is ‘Redefinition’. I can’t wait to hear what other takes on this subject as I consciously shape my own definition of success – as I relate to my home life, my work and to myself.